SORRY MOM

Growing up , money was never wasted, but very well spent if any was left. My mother had bought a new bright red lipstick. I wanted to look like her, as nice, with red lips. Being as little as I was, the concept of lipstick wasn’t very familiar, other than making momma look extra nice. Little did I know, I ate it. Mommas brand new red lipstick, the little shit of a child ate it. I ruined mommas lipstick, the one she had probably saved up to buy, I still feel bad decades later. This illustration is called “SORRY MOM”, for this exact reason.

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SOUP’N’SALAD

Bushwick. Walking in, sitting down at the bar smiling and saying “A soup and a salad, please and thank you”. The bartender smiles back at you, pours you a Bud Heavy draft and a well tequila shot, because he knows you are tequila and not whiskey. “That will be 5 bucks, please”.  You slide over a $10 bill and leave a couple as a tip, but also leave the rest laying on the bar just a bit closer to you, because both you and the bartender know, that this isn’t the last one you’ll have tonight.
Welcome to 101 Wilson and the soup n salad lifestyle.

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how you can make me feel so little?

it is a mystery to me
how you can make me feel so good
pumps my blood but it kills me
I wish I could read your mind to see
if the thoughts in your head ever were good and true about me
how can you love two women at the same time?
and how do you manage to fool me to believe you are mine
it is a skill I wish for no one,
as its evil and shouldn’t exist
but like you said to me ‘we can’t control our feelings’
so i guess
I am the second and will always be
it is not what I want in life and it saddens me
what happened to ‘I’ll be yours and you be mine, forever and always till the end of time’
how did we get so evil, mankind
so comfortable with deceit and
the second choice, the next in line
wait your turn and you’ll be fine
who ever said that was always first
never waiting while your inside burst

The Feels

I honestly didn’t know how I would feel. 

Accomplished? Disappointed? Proud ? Nothing? 
I really I didn’t think I was going to feel that much. But there it is, I feel ALL of those things. Accomplished because I did something I never thought I was able to. Something on my complete own. 
Disappointed because I could have done better. 
Proud because I never thought I was smart. 
And lastly nothing, because…what do I do now? 
My friends are married and have children, plural, I am so far behind. But luckily there’s no ONE way of doing life. Hell if anyone were to dictate me on it. Holy smokes, as I am writing this it is less than 20 minutes ago that I had my last ever final exam, in finance non the less, an evening class at 9pm. I am on the subway on my way home right now. Smiling from ear to ear as I am buried in my phone typing this text aggressively fast. My stiletto nails tapping the screen. I am sure the guy next to me is annoyed with the sound, oh he has headphones, no worries! Though I’m not looking I can feel peoples stares, looking at me with my hoodie on and my glasses digging the music intensely as Caleb sings his song that hits me straight to the heart. Growing up is real. I am in my mid twenties so I guess it’s about time. 
Anyone hiring?
(illustration from vectorstock)

BEING A LIBRA

Libra season is coming up, y’all!
Reading about astrology signs I have over the past years gotten a better understanding of myself and my friends and why we are they way we are. As my birthday is in the end of the seventh of the 12 signs (13 if you will), October 17th, I am a Libra, and most of the time very happy about that.

Libra is an Air sign and is therefor known to have a strong intellectual connection with the world, loves to analyze and solve problems (YES! – a little too much!!) The ruling planet is Venus, the planet of luxury, beauty and love, and makes us Libras add energy of charm and embellishment to everything we touch. We sound pretty wonderful, huh!? Some more traits for Libras are that we are diplomatic peacekeepers and constantly finding and looking for the beauty in things. The symbol for Libras is often shown as the Scale of Justice, we don’t like when things are unfair and we stand up for the ones who need support. We tend to be unbiased and able to keep an open mind – this is one of my favorite traits for myself and other Libras. I am very often asked by my friends for advice when it comes to negotiations or simply conversations, especially when it comes to their significant others. This is something I appreciate and after reading about Libras, it makes sense now too, you know, that they ask me I mean. On Refinery29.com, they say that Libras are romantic and want that first date spark forever, making it difficult for us to settle down with just one other person (do not agree with that last part, haha!) They also said that we are the sign of harmony so even breakups with us wont be that bad. Which made me think of, I was seeing this guy, who is also a Libra, and when the romance between us ended, for whatever reason (I still wonder what happened), our relationship kind of just faded for a little bit, and then we stared to talk more again and ended up being friends. We are both happy that we are still friends and I think we agree on how much it sucks when you have cared about a person and they completely vanish from your life. Him being a Libra as well, we obviously have a lot of things in common, though Libra+Libra isn’t the most compatible when it comes to romantic relationships. Libras are also said to get the party started and get the crowd going as well as being trend-setters and spotters! I love my sign.

All of these good things being said, I am going to spit out some of the shits of being a Libra. We tend to overthink, overanalyze and be too kind. Believe me people take kindness for weakness and use you (me..). Also the fact about being trendsetters, I have always had this urge of being different, looking different, listening to different music and doing different things than most of my friends. And as liberating as this is, it can also be a little tiring sometimes. Not that I put a lot of energy into being different, that’s just is the way it is kinda, but rather that actually being and looking different can be a bit of a “job” sometimes, mostly because people are mean and narrow-sighted. People hate on you, look at you weird and though I never really cared too much about what people thought of me, there is still a little part of me that cares. ANYWAYS. If it was too much, I’d just look like “everyone” else. Back to the start of this post though, every time I read about Libras, what we are usually like, I learn something new about myself, and my fellow Libras, I love it. #LibraLife

Playing With Fire

My life was seriously so close to the end of awesomeness that I tear up simply thinking about it. My dream was to live in a certain country, the United States of America. It’s just always been that way. And one day I found a way; going back to school. I cruised through college with a better GPA than anyone, including myself, had ever imagined. Graduation happened and summer came along. Summer in the city, goddamn it was hot and humid! But somehow I got used to it and I loved it, loved it so much that I lost focus for a bit. Forgot that the only reason I could keep living in the big apple, visa wise, was if I got a job. There was a deadline of course for when I needed proof of employment, and it was cutting close, frikkin’ close. A week before it was all about to come falling down I had the most insane day;

Went for a few beers too many the night before when the alarm rang at 7.26am on a Tuesday morning, mind you I have been sleeping in, meaning into the pm’s, for the past three months, so this was early. I was going to be a hair model, aka get a somewhat free sesh of highlights, at 9 am in Midtown. I am not one to spend a lot of money on my hair or anything, though it somehow looks quite awesome if I may say myself, sooo the $20 I spent on this was pretty rad already. I sat in the chair with aluminum foil all over my hair when my phone rang, it was my requiter calling to say that the one job that I had turned down already because they couldn’t offer me enough hours really did want me to come work for them part time (increasing the hours). My eyes teared up faster than Usain Bolt can run an inch, as they are now too writing this. I got a job, I GOT A FUCKING JOB! IN AMERICA! The pay was just enough to cover rent, no food, no phone, no fun. The thought of this didn’t even come close to cross my mind at that time. I texted my roomies, who were both, NOT COOL with me leaving the States just yet. The amount of joy shown in emojis made me cry again.

My hair turned out pretty awesome though it took forever, forever being a little over 4 hours. I then went to meet one if the roomies for lunch. We saw each other and started crying, the joy was real. We hugged, let go, looked at each other, and hugged, let go and looked at each other again. Then my phone rang (it never really rings, who calls anymore? I love it though, but it seems old school..), another job I applied for offered me another position. I ran back into the café and to my friend and told her, and we cried some more. Now I could stay for sure! Pay rent, my phone bill, food AND have fun! We went out in the sun, as it seemed to be the last day if summer, to finish our food. When we had just finished eating a man approaches me and presents himself as a street style photographer who had worked for Harper’s Bazaar for a decade, etc. He asked to take my photo, as I obviously looked fly as fuck. I was wearing my blue and white striped pants and posed like a boss on front of a blue Pepsi truck that matched my pants. The photos came out pretty dope as far as I could see on his little camera screen. Cant wait to see them. From there I went to catch the train home. Got home did my nails, crashed on the couch and did what I do best; chilled out and watched TV.

I am amazed how when things seem to look so dark and hopeless, my life still finds a way to make it work.. I thank the goddesses and spirits for this opportunity. What is meant to happen, happens, right? Now I gotta suck it up and work seven days a week because communication ain’t always that easy. My silly self is worried about when I will have time to have a few too many beers again..

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I look for you when the sun goes down
When it gets dark and hard to see
So dark that no one sees that we are actually are around

When the sun don’t shine, you’re my friend right
When its dark outside, it is sometimes you and me
When the moon shines, we are tight right
When the sun is up though, we are distant
Like we haven’t seen each other without clothes
I just wish that when the sun is up, we could still be existent
But when the sun is up, the truth always shows