062616

how you can make me feel so little?

it is a mystery to me
how you can make me feel so good
pumps my blood but it kills me
I wish I could read your mind to see
if the thoughts in your head ever were good and true about me
how can you love two women at the same time?
and how do you manage to fool me to believe you are mine
it is a skill I wish for no one,
as its evil and shouldn’t exist
but like you said to me ‘we can’t control our feelings’
so i guess
I am the second and will always be
it is not what I want in life and it saddens me
what happened to ‘I’ll be yours and you be mine, forever and always till the end of time’
how did we get so evil, mankind
so comfortable with deceit and
the second choice, the next in line
wait your turn and you’ll be fine
who ever said that was always first
never waiting while your inside burst

081716

I look for you when the sun goes down
When it gets dark and hard to see
So dark that no one sees that we are actually are around

When the sun don’t shine, you’re my friend right
When its dark outside, it is sometimes you and me
When the moon shines, we are tight right
When the sun is up though, we are distant
Like we haven’t seen each other without clothes
I just wish that when the sun is up, we could still be existent
But when the sun is up, the truth always shows

Social Media + A.D.D

Hey,

What is more frustrating than loving and hating something at the same time?

The case right now is Social Media. I love how it globalizes the world when it comes to fashion, beauty, advertising, branding and everything. I love how much inspiration I draw from those endless little squares, both about and from, people’s lives, people I don’t know. But then, I hate how much of my time goes towards it. How many thoughts and concerns about the somewhat little silly things can take up SO much of my time. Like choosing the right photo to post… (I am a little ashamed)

The scenario right now is; I graduated recently from College, and so I am unemployed, or in between College and getting my first job if you will, in no other city than New York…and so I am here with 38 tabs open with jobs I am going to apply for and LinkedIn profiles of people I need to reach out to. But then constantly lurking in the back of my mind, somehow always making its way to the top of my thinking and priority list inside my head: “what is the most suitable caption to the really cool photo my roommate took of me yesterday.” ARE YOU (OR I..) SERIOUS!?

Many years ago I diagnosed myself with ADD, its like ADHD, but without the hyper part. I have never been hyper in my life, but yeah, it is the lack of concentration and such (though I usually blame this on my creative working brain). Basically it makes it a little hard to focus on one thing at a time, especially around the kitchen table at home where I find myself sitting whilst writing this. Hence, why I am writing this, because I couldn’t focus on what I was supposed to do! Gosh, I am terrible. I should get back to the job search, and settle with a caption, which I think will be “They love to say they told me so”, which btw is from a song my favorite bands new album that they newly dropped. Now I have one less distraction. It is frustrating how Social Media seems to always become my #1 priority, but then I figure just do what you got to do on there, post the pic and get it over with, then on to the next! Ok ok, I am going to do that; time to hit the 38 tabs and the 18 cover letters I have to write!

Later.

But first, I’m just gonna check, REAL QUICK, did I get any likes yet??

 

-M

 

Summer in New York

Lets just say it has been a hot one.
Being on the top floor of your building in Bushwick, on a student/ unemployed budget, you don’t use the AirCon that much, simply because you can’t afford it. But sometimes, sometimes, when the apartment is 84 degrees Fahrenheit, you say; fuck this. I haven’t had a good night sleep in who knows how long. I put the Air Conditioner in my room on 61F; damn, a cold breeze never felt so good. My body is sticky, I am seconds away from going all “Britney 2007” and shaving off my long ass hair, but sanity kicks in with the cool air now hitting my face. I love my hair and I do not have the head shape for a buzz cut. I heard that when I was trying on wigs on Knickerbocker avenue and I had my wig cap on, the lady at the store told me I had a tiny head, “Don’t ever skin your head, girl” then she was laughing. I looked in the mirror and laughed along with her. Gee, I have a really small skull. Don’t try to call me stupid now, okay. 2004 called and wanted their jokes back. Hahah, I love that line.

Anyways, its hot AF, the cool breeze takes me quickly to dreamland. SHIT! I wake up a couple hours later being cold. What a distant feeling. I fell asleep with the airCon on, shit fuck, tits! My conscience is gonna haunt me, I, nor my roomies, can afford mistakes like that. I turn the AC off, fall asleep, wake up after an hour being sticky again. Damn. I love this city, though, I really do.. A few weeks goes by, the ConEd bill plings on my computer, SHEIZE! Double what it usually is and then some. Daamn. We manage to pay it. Next month we are super cautious on how much we use the electricity and what not. So we think. ConEd bill plings again, What. The. Fudge. Over three times as much as we usually get. I hit the Dollar Tree and buy three 5-packs of chicken flavored noodles, Top Ramen it is then.

That is all for now. Just testing this a little.
Later.